In Decorum: A Practical Treatise on Etiquette and Dress of the Best American Society, (1880) the author states on the subject of leaving a dinner party or Ball: “We should retire incognito, in order not to disturb the master and mistress of the house; and we should make them, during the week, a visit of thanks, at…
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All The Stuff: Place Cards
Generally speaking, you rarely see place cards today unless you’re at a wedding. Personally, I wish they would make a comeback. I’ve been to a lot of dinners where people approach the table and then hover, looking nervous and wondering where they should park their butts. When you don’t tell people where to sit, couples sit with…
Read MoreMinutia: The Scale of Warmth
One of my favorite etiquette books is The Social Fetich by Lady Agnes Geraldine Grove (1908). Now, this isn’t a comprehensive book covering lots of topics. Rather the author covers just a few of what she considers areas of concern, some of which are pretty darn obscure. Case in point, a chapter on beginning and…
Read MoreBeing A Guest: Arrivals
In the book, Social Etiquette of New York, (1879) the author tells guests “To be prompt, but not too early, to dinner, is a rigid necessity that requires no explanation. Five or ten minutes are the customary interval between arriving and the dinner hour. Earlier, the hostess may not be able to be in waiting to welcome her guests. Later…
Read MoreCutting Dead
My Friend, In Grecian times citizens who had done wrong might be voted out of society. Ostracization meant that no one would speak to you and you would be driven from the town, never to return. It was literally, a living death. By the Victorian times, a newer, subtler version of ostracization appeared that worked to great effect. …
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