Here are a few rules for attending a formal dance. I’ve written most everything in the traditional “man asks a woman to dance” because it was clearer, but it can be transposed for any couple of any stripe. The man is merely the one who asks the other to dance, the girl the one who is being asked. Gender is not a given.
When Entering a Dance
Because dances and balls began traditionally very late, (ten pm according to The Complete Bachelor of 1896, though he advises to arrive a little after eleven) no one shakes hands. Traditionally, one would bow instead, now we just say a few words of greeting.
Being Asked to Dance
“A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she has already accepted that of another, for she would be guilty of an incivility which might occasion trouble; she would moreover, seem to show contempt for him whom she refused, and would expose herself to receive in secret an ill compliment from the mistress of the house.”
Decorum, (1880)
Would you care to dance? “Certainly” or “Yes, I would like to” are the only appropriate responses. To turn someone down is considered very rude. The best you can do if trying to avoid a certain someone totally, is to move about the room strategically. Otherwise, you can ask not to dance if you are very tired or your feet are killing you, but then you should ask the man to join you in sitting or talking. You may also offer an alternative, such as getting refreshments together.
Heading to the Dance Floor
Only take the hand of your dance partner when leading them to the dance floor if you know your affection for them is reciprocated. You can always take a family member’s hand, though offering an arm is considered more proper. Offering an arm is always appropriate and considered quite gallant. You may place your hand lightly on a woman’s back if the dance floor is crowded and guidance is necessary. Just make sure you don’t place the hand lower than the ribcage, unless you are already intimately acquainted.
Cutting In
The man lays his hand on the shoulder of the partner he wishes to replace and the dancer who is touched should willingly give up his partner. But, there are rules. Never cut back in on someone who has cut in on you. No tit for tat. You cannot cut in on the same man multiple times. You cut in on a man once, that’s it. You should not cut in on a dance after two cuts have already been made. Three partners per dance is the limit for any girl before she feels like she’s just being teased.
After You’ve Cut A Rug
Always escort a lady back to her friends or family after a dance. Never leave a lady, (or a gentleman for that matter) on the dance floor, it’s considered not only rude, but a terrible snub.
If the gentleman is single and his dance partner is as well, he can offer his arm and then place his hand over hers if he wishes to indicate his strong interest. He may also merely walk with the woman if his feelings are cooler, but this must be done with extreme tact. If his partner is elderly, married or otherwise off-the-market it is expected that he will offer his arm.
When dance cards were used, gentlemen were expected to stay with a partner until her next dance partner appeared. If the lady had no partner for her next dance, she could be deposited with friends or family. He was only expected to wait a few minutes if he was claimed as a partner for the next dance.
