I was always fascinated by one detail in my grandmother’s early life: for a time during the thirties, my grandmother had taught lessons in comportment to actors in Hollywood.
My great aunt worked in the costume department of one of the old Hollywood studios and she had brought my grandmother in to work with her after Oma had found herself divorced and raising two sons alone during the depression. I imagined them as two single women living a glamorous life of film stars and Hollywood parties. Only later did I find out their stories were along the lines of, “John Houston was at the party and he got so drunk he peed behind the curtains”. Glamourous.
Eventually, my grandmother’s knowledge of etiquette and deportment got her noticed. The story goes; a young chorus girl who had been rejected repeatedly by the studios decided on one last attempt, so she paid my grandmother to teach her how to comport herself like one of the sophisticated European actresses that were dominating the screen. Rather than turn her into Greta Garbo or Marlene Dietrich, my grandmother taught her how to be her most poised and graceful self. After six months with my grandmother, that chorus girl got a contract and my grandmother found a way to keep herself on her feet. Word spread quickly that Oma could help young actors and actresses get a leg up on the studio system and soon she had a bustling side hustle. That was my first lesson in what manners could do for you.
I don’t know where my grandmother learned all of this, she grew up on a farm, one of ten siblings, nine of which were girls. Family lore was that grandmother’s side of the family came from a long line of German farmers, winemakers and cheese mongers, with a couple of academics thrown in for good measure. I don’t know how true that is. My great-grandfather had stressed education with his girls and there was a rumored posh relative who taught my grandmother etiquette, but who that was exactly has been lost to time. I suppose with that many women under one roof, you were going to get deep discussions of how to look and act.
I only had a few years with my grandmother, but she left a deep impression. My mother recounts a day when I was four, I was sitting at the dinner table eating pretend soup, I didn’t realize that my family had stopped to watch me practicing something new my grandmother had taught me; to push the spoon away from your body and then to sip quietly from the side of the bowl. I was determined to impress her the next time we ate.
After that, it came as no surprise that I ended up taking up etiquette as a hobby. In college, I even made a little extra pocket money from teaching private lessons myself.
It was Grandmother who started it all, (yes that’s her at the top of this blog). So, to her I raise a glass of her favorite tipple, (a Dubonnet on the rocks) and say, “Thank You”.
So, who got you interested in etiquette? Let me know, I love to hear a good origin story! Much love, Cheri
