When I was little, I loved shopping the library bookstore. While kids were forced to stay upstairs in the children’s area at the Santa Monica library, in the bookstore, every topic was available. My first purchases were cookbooks. I learned to make the kinds of gourmet foods my dad loved and he was happy to encourage me, but it was Bloomingdale’s Book of Entertaining that changed everything.
Not only did it discuss how to throw a dinner party, but this book also had a section on popular NYC party hosts and their individual styles of party throwing. I didn’t know how woefully out of date the book was by the time it had been discarded and I picked it up for a quarter, but it didn’t matter, for the first time I realized that throwing a party was an individual statement and could express the givers personality. I began dreaming of the day that I could throw parties of my own.
That started my interest in collecting dinnerware. My mother grew up dirt poor in Iowa and she knows how to shop a thrift store. When I started asking for my own china, it didn’t matter that her impoverished days had passed, she wasn’t going to take me to Bullock’s or Buffum’s. We went straight down to the Salvation Army. We went week after week, waiting, hunting. We were like big game hunters in the bush, stalking our porcelain prey.
Being a kid, my taste was terrible. The table looked like 80’s MTV exploded all over it. I bought black dishes… they made food look disgusting. I thought it was the height of fashion. I bought pink napkins to match. Fucking. Pink. There were aqua accents. I’m surprised I didn’t buy neon glassware. My mother says she was just happy that it wasn’t purple and covered in unicorns, since those were my two other obsessions at the time.
I was sure my mother didn’t know a thing about what was fashionable. I have to admit now that the things that my mother pushed me to buy are the only things that still remain in my cabinets from that period. She made me buy a tiny Limoges tea pot that I still cherish to this day, (that’s it at the top of this post). Otherwise, I’m just glad there aren’t any photos… at least that I know of.
By the time I got to college, I had started throwing solo dinner parties for my friends, though I must admit every time I tried something new, I made terrible mistakes. When I threw my first sit down dinner, I wore a renaissance sleeved dress, the cuffs of which dragged through everything I served. I looked like a Jackson Pollock painting by the end. When I held my first formal dinner, I knocked over a stack of salad plates – breaking them all. I should have laughed it off and put everyone at ease, but I had just bought these very expensive plates to fill out my grandmother’s set and the best I could do was to try hard not to cry. Nothing will go smoothly at first, you’ll make mistakes and there will always be unexpected issues. The point is just to do it. You get better.
So, here’s my best advice:
Get a full night’s sleep before any dinner, party or entertainment you throw. It’s the one thing you can do which will ensure you, and everyone else, have a great time.
Don’t worry about things going wrong, they will. It’s fine.
Invite only people you like. Unless this is a work party where you have to invite everyone, leave off anyone who makes you feel terrible. Until you feel like an accomplished party thrower, invite people who will support you and make you feel comfortable. A supported host is a happy host and a happy host means happy guests.
When you’re starting out, invite one close friend to come over an hour / half hour before the party has started. This person is there to help you with any last-minute tasks, watch the oven while you take a shower and most importantly, put you into a good mood. Don’t leave this job to your spouse, partner or co-host – they have their own tasks to perform and will be stressed and getting ready as well.
Finally, only have a party when your goal is to make your guests happy. In the old days there was a lot of “obligation” entertaining. I hope you rarely have to do this as it never generally leads to actual fun being had by anyone.
So get to party throwing! Find your own style or enjoy throwing parties of every style. I’m sending you good wishes for everything to go well. Much love, Cheri
