The practice of giving symbolic anniversary gifts is a very old one. There are references to symbolic gifts going back to the Middle Ages in France and Italy. It’s likely that these came out of religious or superstitious traditions. I think we all in western society realize this instinctively since we’re raised with the tradition of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh being brought to the manger. I mean these are symbolic gifts, otherwise the wise men would have brought diapers, wipes and baby food.
Some historians assert that these gifts came out of symbols for good luck or prosperity. Others that it’s almost a reward system where if you stay married long enough you receive more lucrative gifts. As always, I have problems with these narratives based on common sense. In the Middle Ages, how many couples could afford these gifts? Not many, so they can’t really have been wide spread. How many couples lived to see a fortieth or fiftieth wedding anniversary? Not many. The average lifespan in the Middle Ages was between 30 and 40 years.
*Quick important note on something a lot of people seem to get wrong: The average life span does not mean that everyone dropped dead between 30 and 40. Yes, war, lack of modern medicine and proper understanding of hygiene did lower life expectancy a bit, but it’s the incredible numbers of children dying before the age of seven and the enormous numbers of women who died in childbirth that really drag this number down. Go to any ancient cemetery and you’ll find a lot of headstones for babies, children, young women of child bearing age, war casualties and then people who lived relatively long lives. It’s one of the reasons that fairy tales have so many step-mothers. With no birth control and lack of medical help for problems during birth, a man had decent odds of losing a wife to complications if they had multiple children. That said, it does mean that a man and woman were pretty darn lucky if they both reached their fortieth wedding anniversary.
As we’ve discussed before, it was the Victorians that really codified the list of themed or symbolic anniversary gifts. Combining their love of commerce and categorization, the Victorians took what were mostly regional customs and made them worldwide traditions.
Fun fact: Wood as the fifth anniversary gift can be traced to 1875, it can be linked to the treen industry in Britain and the influx of hard woods from the East Indies.
Here are the Traditional Gifts:
First Paper
Second Cotton
Third Leather
Fourth Fruit
Fifth Wood
Sixth Iron
Seventh Copper
Eighth Bronze
Ninth Pottery
Tenth Tin
Eleventh Steel
Twelfth Silk
Thirteenth Lace
Fourteenth Ivory – Obviously…. No one wants that now!
Fiftheenth Crystal
Twentieth Tea – Yes, tea was so expensive back then it made the list.
Thirtieth Pearls
Thirty-fifth Coral
Fortieth Rubies
Forty-fifth Sapphire
Fiftieth Gold
Sixtieth Diamonds
In a nod to the Middle Ages, there are some references to the twenty-first to the twenty-forth anniversaries as being, fire, water, air and earth. Though how they might have interpreted these as gifts is any ones guess.
Anyone else think it’s a crime that a lady was supposed to wait until she’s a late senior citizen to get some damn diamonds? Well, Emily Post seems to have as she codified a more modern list in her 1922 Book of Etiquette.
The modern list is now generally accepted as:
First Clocks.
Second China
Third. Crystal or Glass
Forth. Appliances
Fifth Silverware
Sixth. Wood
Seventh Desk Sets
Eighth. Lace
Ninth. Leather
Tenth. Diamond Jewelry
Eleventh. Costume Jewelry
Twelfth. Pearls
Thirteenth Cloth
Fourteenth Gold Jewelry
Fifteenth Watches
Twentieth Platinum
Twenty-fifth Silver
Thirtieth Diamond
Thirty fifth Jade
Fortieth Ruby
Forty-Fifth Sapphire
Fiftieth Gold
Fifty-Fifth Emerald
Sixtieth Diamond
Ok, so people don’t really follow these rules anymore. I wonder if they really did in the past. The modern list seems totally arbitrary. Diamond appears twice, how many desk sets could a couple want? It’s all very silly really.
I’m coming up on a big wedding anniversary in 2022, which utterly blows my mind. I’m just hoping for some well wishes and warm hugs, given how this last year has gone.
Stay safe everyone and much love to you and yours, Cheri
